All Ye Faithful

I recently caught a couple episodes of True Hollywood Story on E! that focused on the wives of superstar men. One of the episodes featured wives of major league baseball players, and the other told the story of the wives of some rock and roll legends. While it is obvious that playing a sport and playing an instrument are physically different talents, those who reach the upper echelons of either discipline encounter many of the same fundamental challenges as a direct result of their professions. Consequently, the wives of celebrity athletes and rock and roll gods face similar dichotomies of existence created by the lifestyles and career demands of their megastar husbands.

On the one hand, there is the incredible power, wealth, and status that comes along with being married to a pop culture hero. On the other, there is a life filled with loneliness, nearly-single parenting, and suspicion of a husband's extracurricular activities while he is away from home. As the shows explained the pros and cons of being married to a public icon, there was one topic that interested me more than the others: fidelity within the marriage. Because both professional athletes and rock stars spend the majority of their lives traveling away from whatever semblance of a rooted "home" they have, a natural question arises about the likelihood of these pop culture stars remaining faithful to their wives and families in the face of temptation. And not just any temptation. Temptation the likes of which none of us "regular" people have probably ever encountered. Rather, a daily onslaught of beautiful, willing, adoring women ready to give themselves up at a moment's notice just to live out a couple minutes of what is likely a lifelong fantasy. How could any warm-blooded man (famous or not) resist that forever?

What surprised me most was that all the men who were interviewed claimed to be faithful to their wives. Perhaps they have grown out of the "hit-it-and-quit-it" stage of their early stardom and are not interested in one-night stands with groupies anymore. Perhaps they fear castration if their shockingly-dynamic and overwhelmingly-intelligent wives ever found out about an episode of infidelity. Interestingly, I think rock and roll icon Alice Cooper summarized it best when he explained that he had never cheated on his wife in 31 years of marriage because, to him, no other woman had ever been worth giving up years of happiness for a few minutes of empty ecstasy. His marriage is simply more important to him than chasing fleeting bliss. I was impressed by his grounded assessment and mature response, especially given that rock stars are by nature some of the most immature performers in existence. Their profession demands an emphasis on youth, reckless abandon, and unbridled passion, and many rockers ride the fame train all the way to their own demise. Those who step back from their egocentric lives for a reflective moment, however, may realize that life can be filled with more than sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and that they can find happiness and fulfillment in an honest marriage.

Being newly engaged myself, I ponder the concept of fidelity often. A lifetime of pop culture conditioning suggesting that fidelity is obsolete forces me to examine my situation frequently so as not to be caught off guard by any secret transgressions. Thankfully, I have never been given a reason to doubt the security of my relationship with my fiance. I often recognize how fortunate I am to have found a perfect match for myself, someone who shares the same outlook on life, the same values, and most importantly, the same emphasis on honesty and full disclosure within a relationship. I don't consider myself a terribly high-maintenance partner, but I do insist on knowing that my fiance and I can trust each other 100% of the time. No doubts = no problems (or at least no major ones...all relationships have challenges, of course). As my fiance and I embark on the next chapter of our lives together as a team, I embrace the imminent adventure of the future knowing that we are both faithful to ourselves and to each other. If Alice and Sheryl Cooper can do it, so can we.

When Is Enough Enough?

I stumbled upon this ESPN.com article today, and it reminded me of my familiar frustrations with gifted athletes who throw away huge opportunities in favor of bad decision-making and illegal behavior. According to the article, Jamar Hornsby, who was slated to begin playing for the Mississippi Rebels football team this fall, has been indicted on felony assault charges and consequently released from the team. The article goes on to say that this is not his first offense, as he was previously released from the Florida Gators football team after pleading no contest to using a credit card stolen from a deceased Florida student who had dated one of his football teammates.

Understanding that young people make mistakes sometimes, it still upsets me that Hornsby was even given a second chance at a free education after wasting his first opportunity. Although Hornsby's first offense was initially punished by the loss of his spot on the Florida football team, his bad behavior was eventually rewarded with positive reinforcement and a free pass when Mississippi signed him for the 2009 season. Apparently, just one criminal act did not satisfy the threshold of who could be excluded from the Mississippi football team. It took a second criminal offense to finally move the team and administration to reject Hornsby's place on the roster.

Similarly, but on a grander scale, I recall the numerous transgressions of Adam "Pacman" Jones (photo above) during his time playing for the Tennessee Titans and Dallas Cowboys from 2005-2008. Beginning in college, Jones started racking up run-ins with the law. When Jones managed to get himself put on probation before the 2005 draft, what should have been a big red flag for any prospective teams looking to pick him up, was cavalierly ignored in the pursuit of the best available athlete. In less than 2 years, Jones was arrested for and/or charged with at least 4 criminal acts, but he continued to play. Only after the 4th offense was he suspended for one (yes, one) game by the Titans. Meanwhile, the legal system continued to extend his probation but never administered any recognizable punishment for his wrongdoings. Only after controversy surrounding a Las Vegas strip club shooting that Jones was allegedly involved in did the NFL finally step in and suspend Jones for an entire season. Unbelievably, the NFL reinstated Jones in 2008, only to re-suspend him after a number of other off-the-field incidents. Currently, Jones is a free agent and eligible to play.

I struggle with the idea that it is ok to condone such appalling behavior as that of Hornsby and Jones simply because they are exceptional athletes. Perhaps everyone deserves one second chance, but more than five second chances? Where is the line? When is enough really enough? Does an innate athletic marketability give someone moral invincibility? I can only hope for Hornsby's sake that his second blown opportunity is his last, and that he'll finally learn that at some point you must become accountable for the things you do with your life. Obviously Jones has not learned that lesson yet, and perhaps he never will. When society consistently forgives criminals simply because they are star athletes or celebrities, the lesson becomes infinitely more difficult to grasp.